Lets make this review a story of which you are the hero and hence a moment ten times more interesting that this show could ever be. Yes thats also why I gave it a 10/100 to stay consistent with my math a feat more the show cannot claim. Needless to say Im granting 9 extra points just for the sake of maths. Lets dig in. She didnt look like trouble. But then they never do. The school had been decked with boob and the friendships thronged with political intrigue. Their faces would soon vanish in the dark mists of a longoverdue scenario time jump but not their lingering feelings. A rock and some chemicals in your bag you take a book from the old man in an obscure library. Of course he doesnt warn you of the occult powers it shuts away from the audience. Back to your place you accidentally trod on a spell and decide to try it for seven years. You turn around and are instantly transfixed by a pair of brown eyes. The girl is a fairy and a young one: Just a few thousand years and no care in the world for consistent stories. Of course if only youd known then what you know now... Here you are now in her hands pursuing a quest of alchemy transmuting things as they go through your esophagus. Yes seven years of your life have gone and you didnt read that book or did you? but you have now become the very medium of your magic or was it alchemy?. Why am doing this again? you mutter in awe. A careless phrase. Heroeshttps://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/GillesdeRaisChildmurders dont need a purpose and certainly not you. Its just about the adventure right? Right and the bouncing oppai. But well come back to this later. A child approaches from behind. Her name is Jeanne. You somehow feel these seven years have just impacted you physically. Whatever that means. Fairies pop. Mercenaries come. Village gets attacked. You dont have time to feign surprise. You only have eyes for the flat oflat Jeanne. Whatever that means. Fairies die. Mercenaries die. You still dont care. You only have eyes for young oyoung Jeanne. Whatever that means. BUT THEN SHE IS MORTALLY WOUNDED. And the only thing you have in mind is saving her/avenging her/drooling all over her and putting a weird rock in her. 600https://i.ur.com/eQmDpJR.jpg this picture is asking to be photoshoped really Technical break And we really need one there. As much as the scenario went forward we need to take some time back to think about who produced this mess. Studio AXsiZhttps://anilist.co/studio/6108/AXsiZ? They often coanimate with studio Gokumi and this time they decided to go solo. Huh. The story is from Mikage Kasuga who also did Oda Nobuna no Yabouhttps://anilist.co/anime/11933/OdaNobunanoYabou. And there I knew something ticked. The plot says it all: the Sengoku period but where all the major Samurai lords are cute girls. Well its all the same shit with Ulysses you just replace samurais with knights. Actual knight depicted: 600https://i.ur.com/9MPHo8O.jpg Lets put things in order. Its time for the fetish checklist: harem big bouncing boobs boob molestation 600https://i.ur.com/dTpfDgC.jpg panty shots and tighhigh framing crossdressing male protagonist colorful hair because were dumb and otherwise cannot differentiate between them right? Or maybe the colors indicate their level of toxicity much like with real animalshttps://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Aposematism loving childhood friends drool 600https://i.ur.com/XFZqQhC.jpg DROOL 600https://i.ur.com/WOT3UUs.jpg 600https://i.ur.com/Kb7xijD.jpg agegap loli 600https://i.ur.com/7pv3RhP.jpg tentacles yes I know You do you Ulysses you do you. Introduction Have you ever wanted to learn your history lesson your french lesson and your alchemy lesson at the same time? Do you have one of the above fetishes? Do you disagree with the epitome of Prison School and rather profess your love of the boob? I SAID DO YOU PROFESS YOUR LOVE OF THE OPPAI BROTHERS AND SISTERS? I know you do. And so does this show. Ulysses: Jeanne dArc to Renkin no Kishi is a show that takes its roots in the eponym light novel by Mikage Kasuga who has already a past of improving tweaking history to its liking fetishes but I already covered that point earlier. The story takes place in medieval France and centers on Montmorency full name Gilles de Rais a character that really existed. The man was actually even stranger in reality than on screen: versed in the occult and known help of Jeanne dArc he ended up convicted of murdering hundreds of children. As a mad storyteller you cannot choose a richer character inspiration. And Mikage Kasuga is a mad storyteller. So he tells the adventure of both of them as they kiss fight to liberate France of the english invading forces. They will meet countless foes and gurls knigths. A real sex ed history course I told you. But all of this would be fine yes even the history transformation in a fetish fest if the show had any direction. Do they liberate France by the end of the show? No. Do they crown the princess? Yes but its not shown they just say crude jokes instead. Do they liberate Orlans? Ah yes finally but its only a halfassed closure that involved a FUCKING RAILGUN FROM SPACE to regain control of the city. So if there is a direction its definitely not historical. Romance? Not a direction either. They definitely rely on the lolicon side of things which incidentaly was also the thing of the original Montmorencyhttps://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/GillesdeRaisChildmurders. So if theres a direction its on the loli side of things. 600https://i.ur.com/FHdjixT.png 600https://i.ur.com/6NiCzVx.jpg Action? Oh god not with that animation. Ill let you judge. 600https://i.ur.com/Nj9h2sz.gif Drawing quality? Swords bigger than the wielder are common things but if you dont know how to draw faces/abs or running scenes 600https://i.ur.com/DANoxI9.jpg 600https://i.ur.com/BxGJBYl.jpg Medieval fashion? Rather they grew tired of drawing clothes at some point. 600https://i.ur.com/ki7P0Gj.jpg 600https://i.ur.com/YbrAHIT.jpg Ecchi then? Thats the bait but sadly not the theme. 600https://i.ur.com/3JEKl0b.jpg Suspense? Puhlease. Throwing WTF every episode is not creating suspense just surprise. Yes that counts the Darlifralike alien trump card in lateseason and the beautifully drawn tentacles: 600https://i.ur.com/7xtNU9o.jpg On that note the show spends a large part around the Orlans bridge which is justified by history but not really supported by the storytelling and doesnt show much inspiration in battles to take it until the end that is. BECAUSE YES THE ONLY SCENARIO RESOLUTION THAT THEY COULD FIND WAS TO DESTROY IT WITH AN ORBITAL LASER IN MEDIEVAL TIMES I I dont have words for this. I would have expected anything but alien ships to blow that fucking Orlans bridge. Well done Ulysse well done. I dont care that they flipped the whole scenario lategame but it just has no coherence with the atmospheree setup by previous episodes and doesnt contribute to build characters either so it is just bullshit to fill three episodes at that point. So yes no spoiler. Theres nothing to spoil anyway. 600https://i.ur.com/lb7rY89.jpg Ship in the Sky? Respond to my voice? REALLY? 600https://i.ur.com/L3qE1Mj.jpg 600https://i.ur.com/awzg1Ft.jpg 600https://i.ur.com/BO5lAvu.png 600https://i.ur.com/Hl8fcD7.jpg French lesson? Yes but dont expect to have a proper conversation with actual french people or you may end up cuffled and marked as a sex offender. Yes each episode ends with a lesson translated from what a character said in the episode. And no its not surpisingly useful just meh. The translation onscreen is actually wrong too but who cares at that point. 600https://i.ur.com/MvAMiPP.jpg Character development and breathtaking battles? Almost all antagonists are but caricatures of themselves: 600https://i.ur.com/mj1oFKH.jpg The only character transformation that is fitting is the battleJeanne with her upset mood and strength: 600https://i.ur.com/MuPa75B.jpg 600https://i.ur.com/weYBRxf.jpg 600https://i.ur.com/gehZJV1.png Questions I HAVE SO MANY QUESTIONS even after watching it twice. I have found unsatisfying answers on fandom wikis hugh for some of them but Im not writing this review to provide answers much in a gamebook you have to answer them for yourself: why tentacles? why ulysses? nothing else relates to the Odyssey. wtfh is ulysses noire? where are the scenes shown in the OP? why different ED when a single boring one would have sufficed? why english have daemonhunters? why fairies? why excalibur and why is it in France? why is everything explained by a war of gods? why have I watched this till the end? why am I writing a review about it? why is a knight named Btard meaning bastard and why is he crossdressing? why is a knight named La Tremouille meaning very soppy? why is pure Jeanne vs evil Jeanne used a plot twist when its been seen since the beginning of the show? why is Jeanne put at the stake with no context? why is Richemont fighting for both sides? why is everything beginning with all characters at the same school? how is Montmorency spending seven years without food water or even realising it? why is there a fairy following Montmorency? why is Jeanne dArc living with the fairies at first? why a spaceship? and why dead aliens inside? AND WHY FLOATING FEATHERS?? why has the budget for this trash fire not been given to produce a S2 of Oda Nobuna no Yabou instead? Conclusion The following yonkoma manga is actually a better story than Ulysses. 600https://i.ur.com/OOVK6KI.jpg actually a collage of paintings representing battles of the Hundred Years War. Clockwise from top left: La Rochelle with spaceships Agincourt Patay Orleans. In Ulysses nothing happens. Nothing evolves. Its just your common fetishes put in the mixer with some legends and language puns. I wouldnt recommend it unless you want the weird thrill of watching something jokingly absurd which I do enjoy sometimes. Morbid curiosity and severe masochism count too. Or wait maybe its the proper way to teach children histor BACK TO YOUR STORY Two paths open ahead of you. One thorny involves watching Ulysses and redeeming your occular virginity if any such thing exists on Anilist. The other harder consists in erasing the stain left in your mind by the extracts of Ulysses contained in this review and cleaning with acid the now corrupt inodes of the computer displaying these images. What will you choose?