Contains spoilers for Your Lie in April and Clannad Person 1: So do you have an anime for me? Person 2: Yes sir I do its called Your Lie in April. 1: Ooh I like that name. April is tight. 2: It is a great month provided people arent stuck in their houses the entire time. 1: Lets hope that doesnt happen a third time. But tell me about this anime. 2: So its about this boy who was physically abused as a child by a wellmeaning single parent who wasnt in their right mind and gave up on a life time passion as a result leaving him in a deep pit of depression that all his friends hate to see him in. 1: Oh wow. 2: But then he meets this offbeat girl with a mysterious illness thatll eventually become fatal and he inspires her to pursue the performing arts and she inspires him to find a new lease on life 1: Oh cool so youre remaking Clannad? 2: What? Were not doing that why would you say that? 1: No its a good thing. Clannad was awful and enough time has passed for a better remake to come out. 2: No its not Clannad see the boy had an abusive childhood but the girls parents are super loving and supportive. 1: Do they own a pastry shop? 2: Yeah why? 1: Do they live there too? Like in the upstairs apartment? 2: Yeah why? 1: Do they display their love for each other in overdramatic fashion right in public in the middle of broad daylight? 2: Yes they do have you seen this show before? 1: I sure have back when it was called Clannad. 2: Did Clannad have a violin? 1: Clannad DID have a violin. 2: Well did Clannad have a piano? 1: Nope got me there. It definitely did not have a piano. 2: No it certainly did not. 1: Okay but does the main character a have a male friend whos more overtly girlcrazy than he is? 2: Yeah but Id argue most male main characters have that friend. 1: Then does he have several female friends who are obsessively thirsty for his dick and would rather die alone than pork anyone else? 2: No he only has one of those. 1: Aww poor guy. 2: Poor guy indeed thats why I gave him two other love interests. 1: Ooh what are they like? 2: Well the first one is one of his music rivals who was one of the people inspired by his performance when he was a kid and her feelings for him are conflicted between competition and hormones. 1: Okay she actually sounds kind of interesting. 2: Yeah so Im making her a minor character and only giving her a small amount of screen time. 1: Probably for the best. 2: And his other love interest is a child 1: What was that? 2: His other love interest is a child 1: Say that again? 2: His other love interest is a child 1: One more time? 2: I feel like you should have heard me by now. 1: I did Im just trying to help YOU hear what youre saying. 2: Oh okay. I see what you did there. 1: So this child. Shes not his little sister is she? 2: No of course not. 1: Is she his best friends little sister and hes okay with her dating him because the main character is just such a gosh darn cool guy? 2: No of course not. 1: Oh thank god. 2: I told you already its not Clannad. 1: Not that part at least. But okay tell me more about the main character. 2: So hes a prodigy on the piano but his dying mother forced him to play in serious competitions for the sake of his financial future and beat him when he messed up. Now hes become psychologically scarred and traumatized so he cant hear the notes when hes playing. 1: So what he literally cant hear the notes? Is it partial deafness from all the beatings? 2: Its like half psychological half metaphorical. 1: Oh okay that actually sounds super interesting. 2: Right and his friends care about him so they try to help him overcome his trauma and find his passion for music again. 1: Oh wow well after his dying mom forced him to use his music in a way he didnt want to and used physical violence as a motivator because she thought she was doing what was best for him how is he going to overcome that? 2: Well you see his dying love interest is going to force him to use his music in a way he doesnt want to and use physical violence as a motivator because she thinks she knows whats best for him 1: Wow wow wow wow wow wow wow wow wow. Those two scenarios sound exactly the same. 2: Theyre totally different sir. 1: And how is that? 2: Well when his mom injures his head and makes him bleed its going to be framed as dramatic. But when his friends injure his head and make him bleed its going to be framed as comedic. 1: Youre going to use slapstick for this? 2: Yes sir we are. 1: And not only is the slapstick violence disturbingly similar to the serious violence its going to happen to the exact same character? 2: Thats what were going with. 1: So in this universe an injury doesnt hurt if youre making a joke? 2: Precisely. 1: Then when his mom was beating him couldnt he have just nullified the pain by saying Knock Knock? 2: Well no you see he was a child when his mother beat him. 1: Oh okay how old is he now? 2: 14. 1: And how old was he then? 2: 12 1: Wow. That doesnt sound like much of a difference. 2: No see he was really little back then. When he sat on a piano bench his feet didnt even touch the ground 1: I feel like most twelve year olds if they sat on a piano bench their feet would touch the ground. 2: Not this one. 1: Well all right then. I hadnt considered that this particular twelve year old just happened to look like a six year old. 2: Oh no they all do. 1: Of course they do. 2: Besides the child abuse will look more tragic if he looks like a twelve year old toddler when it happens. 1: Ive gotta be honest this seems like this would be a really difficult show to market. 2: Actually its going to be super easy. Barely an inconvenience. 1: Really? Hows that? 2: Im gonna make people cry. 1: Thats it? 2: Uhhuh. 1: Thats all youre gonna do? 2: Anime fans are suckers for the feels. As long as an anime makes them cry theyll ignore all of its flaws and practically spam it with10/10 reviews no matter how mediocre or downright shitty it actually is. 1: Wow thats really cynical of you. You cant actually believe that. 2: What about Angel Beats? 1: That show wasnt terrible though... 2: Tokyo Magnitude 8.0? 1: Nobody really remembers that one. 2: Say I Love You? 1: Ugh. 2: Do I really need to bring up Clannad again? 1: No you do not. Whore out the audiences tear ducts and well be making money hand over foot. 2: Oh you bet we will. Well even be able to sell it on DVD for 300 dollars 1: What? 2: Oh yeah people will totally fork over top dollar for this show. 1: Would this be like a special edition DVD with a bunch of cool bonuses? 2: Nope just the DVD. 1: Not like bluray or something? 2: Nope just the DVD. 1: And youll charge 300 for it. 2: Well 160 for each half. 1: Ah thats more than 300. 2: Whoopsie 1: Youre gonna sell each 13 episode half of the series for 160 dollars? 2: No of course not. 1: Oh thank god. 2: Each half will only be 11 episodes 1: Okay so not only are you going to release a Clannad ripoff that badly fumbles serious subject matter cover up its flaws through blatant emotional manipulation grossly overcharge people for physical copies AND youre going to shortchange them what theyd usually get in terms of episode count? 2: Yeah yeah yeah. 1: Well I like your confidence at least. Well release it and rake in the profits for the short term but I seriously doubt its going to make a good impression on critics or withstand the test of time. Dramatic music sting show image of the series being one of the top five most popular anime of all time on MAL